04. Episode 4 – Importance of a Thank You
Ruthie Christie: There’s always something to be grateful for like in your life, even if you’re not like me and like fawning over every little, you know, refill of your water at the restaurant or whatever, but there’s always something to be grateful for and if you spend a little bit of time thinking through first thing in the morning, before you get busy, before you open your email and you look back at your week and find something to be grateful for.
There are benefits to you. It’s not about the other person there are benefits to your You are listening to the more than a young professional podcast, the podcast of the intersection of your career, personal life, health, and community, because we’re more than just young professionals.
Justin Oswald: Hey guys! Welcome back to the More Than a Young Professional podcast. This is episode 4: The Importance of a Thank You: appreciating your team mentors and everyone. I am one of your hosts, Justin Oswald. You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @JustinOswald_.
Ruthie Christie: And I’m Ruthie Christie. You can find me on Twitter @RuthieChristie.
Meg Rich: And I am Meg Rich, and you can find me on Instagram @MeganinN F L. All right.
So, what’s good. What’s going on?
Justin Oswald: Listen, I’m exhausted. But my mother sent me for my birthday- she sent me this thing. It’s like, it’s got like, it looks like golf balls, but you put it around your neck and it’s got these like things and you like massages your neck and stuff. Fantastic. It’s really-
Ruthie Christie: Recommend?
Justin Oswald: Recommended. Yeah. So I need that kind of stuff in my life.
Meg Rich: Yeah. So
Ruthie Christie: also happy birthday.
Justin Oswald: Oh, thank you.
Meg Rich: Happy birthday. We have all had birthdays and like the course of a month.
Justin Oswald: Oh really? Yeah. No, I did not like mine. I don’t like my birthday. After 30, I was like, no, this sucks.
Meg Rich: I mean, I kind of agree with you there. Although I did have a string of just really terrible birthdays, so I just kinda gloss over it.
Ruthie Christie: Gosh, you guys, I love my birthday. Like my birthday is beautiful.
Justin Oswald: How old are you?
Ruthie Christie: I just turned 31
Meg Rich: I’m after 30
Ruthie Christie: Post 30.
Meg Rich: I want to say my 30th birthday was probably the best birthday I’ve had in a really long time, except for my 32nd birthday. That was also pretty Epic.
Justin Oswald: Good stuff.
Ruthie Christie: Good birthday.
Meg Rich: I can tell you about my 30th birthday. I can’t tell you about my 32nd birthday.
Justin Oswald: Well, it will discredit you from your career and everything else?
Meg Rich: I feel like there’s still some. Pending legal issues…
Justin Oswald: oh wow! Well, moving on.. Well, we’re all post 30, but if you’re in your twenties, listen to your elders today and you may learn something, hopefully, hopefully.
Meg Rich: Ruthie what’s what’s going on?
Ruthie Christie: Yeah. So life is good over here. I was really excited about a new thing. Can I share my bright spot/life hack? So I don’t know if you guys have heard of this. I’m not one to be on the cutting edge of anything tech, so you guys have probably already heard of this, but new browser:
Duck Duck Go.
Meg Rich: Oh yeah. Duck Duck Go is pretty awesome.
Ruthie Christie: I hope it’s as awesome as like I read on their website.
Justin Oswald: never even heard of this and I am trying to be on the forefront.
Ruthie Christie: So basically it is a reduction of tracking you and less targeted ads. So if you’re one of those people who’s really into like the really targeted ads on your Instagram and your Facebook and all that kind of stuff, then probably this is not for you.
But it makes me feel some semblance of privacy and I’m one of those people that uses face recognition. So I really don’t know how much does this combating my sharing of my personal data, but it makes me feel better. I really like their browser on my phone. And there’s an extension now for Google Chrome on the websites.
So, or like on my regular desktop browser. So yeah. And then after I got it, I saw a billboard for it. So I’m like, What did I see the billboard first? And it got in my head. I don’t know.
Justin Oswald: So some people think stuff or go online and see stuff, and then they get a Facebook ad. This is so advanced technology, you’re seeing real billboards for it.
Ruthie Christie: They built a billboard for me. I already got it, guys. You don’t have to sell me me.
Meg Rich: Which is kind of the opposite of the premise of Duck Duck Go. I mean, I don’t know.
Ruthie Christie: It makes me wonder how many times I’ve passed the billboard without knowing what it was.
Justin Oswald: I’ve been seeing more and more articles about deleting TickTok.
Cause it’s China, maybe Duck Duck Goose is China. Duck Duck Go.
Ruthie Christie: That could be, I did see- did you see the Amazon accidentally sent a memo to all of their employees to take it off and then came back and said, “Oh, we didn’t mean to send that”. But well then why did it get written?
Justin Oswald: Here’s the thing. I mean, they can get on our phone right now.
You know, it’s over.
Meg Rich: They’ll get a lot of snark and a lot of dog photos.
Justin Oswald: I mean, it’s 2020. I don’t know. I do want some privacy, but at the same time we forego some of that for technology convenience and stuff.
Ruthie Christie: It’s true. I don’t know exactly what balance I’m trying to strike here.
I was just kind of got excited about it and was like, okay, this makes me feel a little bit better about my internet searching.
Justin Oswald: I’m gonna check it out. I’m gonna check it out.
Ruthie Christie: Look into it.
Justin Oswald: Yeah. I’ll get back to you with a full report.
Ruthie Christie: How are you Meg?
Meg Rich: I’m good. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, but we’ve got a lot going on at my work. We’re trying to make sure that we’re serving our members the best that we can. Things have been good. I don’t really have much of a big, bright spot today other than I’m really thankful for the rain. I sleep really well when it’s raining. I have a weird balance of when I’m in work mode and it’s raining, I am productive.
Justin Oswald: white noise
Meg Rich: Yes. And then when I’m off of work mode, it relaxes me really well.
Justin Oswald: It was raining this morning. I slept in today.
Meg Rich: I know I did too. I didn’t want to.
Justin Oswald: No, I slept in, in. Like you, you’re probably not prepared for the time I got out of bed.
Ruthie Christie: Was it in the am?
Justin Oswald: No, no, it was not. I mean, I wasn’t sleeping the whole time. Like I woke up about 9AM. And then I woke up and then probably took a little nap about 9:15. I went back to sleep for a little bit that is laid in bed and like on my iPad. But
Ruthie Christie: Was it because of the rain? You heard the rain-
Justin Oswald: I’ve been really exhausted. This new building we bought and all this- I’m just tired. So I took advantage- glorious, glorious time.
Meg Rich: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I slept on this morning too, but to like 6:30.Let’s Talk About Feelings…
Ruthie Christie: It’s really funny you guys mentioned that because I had this conversation with Zach, my awesome boyfriend, earlier today, where he said, ” The rain just makes me sleepy. I know you’re not supposed to let the weather affect your mood, but it does for me”. And I was like, who says that? That was my question.
And he’s like, well, they do. And I was like, well, who are they? And he said, I don’t know people. I was like, I don’t know, like we live on earth. This is the weather of earth. I feel like if it impacts you, then it impacts you. And it just means you’re connected to your planet. I don’t know. I’ve never heard that before.
Like you shouldn’t let the weather.
Meg Rich: I don’t know. I also feel like feeling whatever you’re feeling about it, expressing gratitude for the fact that you are feeling that and then kind of sitting in it for a minute is not a bad thing.
Ruthie Christie: That is very true and a really great point for what we’re talking about.
Justin Oswald: I don’t want to talk about feelings at all, whether it’s weather induced or not.
Meg Rich: Well today, Justin, you are in luck because we’re only going to force you to talk about the feeling of gratitude.
Justin Oswald: Lovely. Glad I’m here, but just kidding. No, it’s funny about that is some people that are like me like that, I think some of it’s personality type. If you ask someone, how do you feel about something and their responses? ‘I think’, and dah, dah, dah. They say, ‘I think’ that’s me. Cause I don’t understand emotions very well. Like feelings. I don’t give into them. I don’t let feelings rule me. Feelings lie to you. So we all feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
Meg Rich: Yeah. So Justin and I are very similar. If I could go through life without feelings and just with logical thought, I think I’d be pretty happy. I think my life would be way less complicated.
Justin Oswald: That’s what I’m trying to- I’m halfway succeeding at that, I think
But no, I totally agree. But I also. You know, you, we all encounter or know people that it’s really, they’re completely different. And it’s very interesting to me, those kinds of people, like, I think that’s interesting. Cause sometimes I kind of wish I was more that way. Sometimes I think it’s necessary because you can really come across as like… it’s like when people always ask me the one, what’s the stupid love movie. They’re my likes. Oh, gosh. Y’all know.
Meg Rich: You’re asking the wrong person…
Justin Oswald: right? It’s it’s-
Ruthie Christie: The notebook.
Justin Oswald: The notebook, right? Okay. I couldn’t think of it. I’ve I’ve seen it one time and everybody’s like, Oh my God, what did you think? What’d you think? You know, it’s like…
Ruthie Christie: I didn’t think very much about it.
Meg Rich: I have never seen The Notebook.
Justin Oswald: You’re a bird. I’m a bird, whatever, whatever they say is like, isn’t that what it is? It’s just some little
Ruthie Christie: Is there a bird quote in the notebook?
Justin Oswald: I don’t know. But it’s like, people act like you’re supposed to see it, like all of a sudden cry or yeah, but he was so sweet.
I mean, he loved her. Yeah. Like you do sweet stuff. When you love someone.
Meg Rich: I will say that I am not typically typically a crier and feel in movies like that-
Justin Oswald: Except?
Meg Rich: Pixar. I don’t think I have sat through a Pixar movie where I did not cry.
Justin Oswald: Interesting
Meg Rich: Up ruined me.
Ruthie Christie: Oh yeah.
Meg Rich: For life.
Ruthie Christie: Oh yeah. Well, what’s the quote? Like UP told a better love story in 10 minutes without talking then like Twilight, Twilight in four movies.
Yeah, exactly. Twilight that’s okay.
Oh,Up? Okay. Now that’s not. Okay.
Justin Oswald: And when people say that, like I have no interest now ever seeing it.
Ruthie Christie: Well, I will tell you it’s really the first 10 minutes that are like the emotional love story.
And then it’s like a rollicking adventure with a kid and a giant bird. And I get all of that.
Meg Rich: And a dog?
Ruthie Christie: And a dog that can talk. You can hear- he has a translator. It’s great. Yeah.
Justin Oswald: Y’all aren’t selling this movie. That kind of stuff I don’t get into, but I’m also not into SciFi. Like, I don’t like stuff like that. I want to watch something either really funny and stupid or like kind of action-y.
Meg Rich: The one Pixar movie that made me sob so hard. I had to leave the theater, Bolt.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, I get that. I get that.
Justin Oswald: You left the theater?
Meg Rich: I had to leave the theater because I was causing such a ruckus.
Justin Oswald: You know how expensive them movies are?
Ruthie Christie: It’s not the movie, it’s the popcorn. It’s where they get you.
Justin Oswald: Interesting.
Meg Rich: Yeah, if you need a good cathartic cry and you were a dog lover, I recommend Bolt.
Ruthie Christie: Yeah. So wait, can we talk about that for a second? Like, do you ever need a good cathartic cry, Justin? Does that exist in your world?
Justin Oswald: Not to me.
Ruthie Christie: No, I don’t.
Justin Oswald: I don’t feel I need that. I don’t think I need that. Now, if I saw a therapist or something, they probably say you probably do, but I don’t, I don’t feel like I need that. I mean, what am I going to cry about?
Ruthie Christie: Well, sometimes it’s just for the emotional release.
Justin Oswald: No, I get it because I do, I do think. I do think with kids like teach little boys, like don’t cry, be a man.
You know, guys don’t cry. I do think that’s wrong because that kind of cry, you know, there are, there are stress hormones and your tears and you’re holding that in. I do get that. I just, I’m not, it’s not like I need to cry and I hold it in and don’t want to, like, I’m just not.
Ruthie Christie: You’re not suppressing anything. It’s just not there to surpress.
Justin Oswald: Like, I live by my, like, if I needed it, I think I would do it and I don’t do it. So I don’t feel like I need it. Like, you know, like I’m not hiding it from anyone. Cause I’m by myself a lot so, like I just, you know, you know what I’m saying? Like there’s no logical reason to not do it. If you need to do it.
Yeah. You know, so yeah, no.
Ruthie Christie: That is interesting. Well, and it’s interesting that you said that about like the hormones…
Justin Oswald: I’m like a duck just rolls off. It just rolls off. Oh my God. Maybe they’ll sponsor us if you’re listening. Shoot us a check.
Ruthie Christie: That’d be, that’d be great.
Meg Rich: Let’s talk.
Ruthie Christie: Venmo. Cause we’re the young professional
Justin Oswald: I said check.Like how lame was that? Send us a check.
Ruthie Christie: What’s a check?
Justin Oswald: Yeah.
Meg Rich: Don’t get me started.
Justin Oswald: Cash app me.
Meg Rich: All right. So. Thank you Justin for being here and
Justin Oswald: thank you
Meg Rich: Ruthie for
Justin Oswald: being here as well.
Thank you for having me.
Ruthie Christie: Thank you both for making this happen.
Justin Oswald: Thanks so much to our producer. Yeah. A lot of thank you’s going on. I’m uncomfortable with this
Ruthie Christie: That might be a good place to start. So we’re talking about gratitude and Justin, you have expressed that that’s not necessarily something that motivates you or that’s not why you do the work that you do.
So when we’re talking about gratitude, like what does that mean to you? It just makes me think.
Justin Oswald: So I’ve thought about this a little bit, because I do think at some point you may get into semantics or sometimes you’ve got to define terms so we all know we’re talking about. Because I don’t need my boss or my leader, or I don’t need constant.
‘Hey, thanks for that. Hey, you did this. Hey, thanks. Hey’, I don’t need that. As an Enneagram 3, I very much need to be seen and appreciated for my contributions and successes. Yeah, so it’s weird. I don’t necessarily want, thank yous for it. I think I just need you to admire it.
Ruthie Christie: Quietly?
Justin Oswald: No, no, no. Publicly public praise now. Right?
Meg Rich: I’m supposedly an eight in the Enneagram and I am very much the same way. I will accept a thank you for the other person’s behalf, but I don’t need you to express gratitude to me in big ways. I would rather not in the public way, but I would rather, you come up to me and say, you did this and it had this outcome and it affected people this way in a positive manner.
I want to know the result. That is my gratitude to me.
Justin Oswald: That’s good. Yeah. I think for me, I was kind of kidding about the public praise thing, but at least in my context of my organization, if I was behind or one of the people behind something big, a big initiative or big project or big something – deep down there, the desire is at least to be recognized for it.
Like your name attached to it as a contributor or one of the people. I don’t need everyone to clap, or I don’t need everyone to come up and say, thank you for doing this. It’s the recognition for it I think my need. Some people may need to hear thank yous along the way. And because I’m that way, I think when we were kind of hashing out some of this content was like: I have a hard time giving that though.
Because I don’t need it. The assumption is no one does. Everyone’s like you, you know, it’s kind of the assumption. So you don’t like give it and that’s obviously not cool.
Meg Rich: So Ruthie, do you like receiving thank yous?
Ruthie Christie: It’s a really good question. And I think when you guys are talking just now, cause if you had asked me 10 minutes ago and have been like, absolutely like, I want a thank you. I want to feel valued. I want to feel appreciated words of affirmation. Like I understand that you understand that I contributed and you were verbalizing it to me. And as an extrovert, I want that energy feedback from other people.
Justin Oswald: So you just mentioned words of affirmation though. Is that your, that’s your love language or one of, one of our, do you know?
Ruthie Christie: mine is actually like acts of service.
Justin Oswald: Okay. You just use that specific phrasing so I was wondering if you’re tying it to that, It was just interesting. I didn’t mean to cut you off.
Ruthie Christie: Well, and that’s part of it. Like my, and what’s interesting too, and we should do one on love languages, but like what your love language is for giving it, maybe isn’t always the same as receiving, just like you were saying, like your preference for receiving gratitude, you understand is not everybody’s preference for whether they should have it or not.
And I think what you guys just were talking about made me think, like I also love results and I think that the thank you comes, maybe like when does it come along the way is important. Like, are you thinking just because the effort was put forth, are you thinking, because the result, like the outcome occurred the way that we wanted it to, or like what you were saying, Justin, like is your name on it forever and now it’s part of this legacy that you’re leaving behind and people are grateful and like, reflect on that, but not necessarily like stand in clap for no-.
Justin Oswald: For no reason. Yeah. Yeah. And I get what you just said about the results. Like I can vibe with that. Cause I feel like some people- maybe this is wrong.
My perception on other people, and this could be, I think, a fun way to look at it, especially if you, the first option is everybody thinks and feels like, kind of like you do. My first impression when you get out of that is the people that want or need, thank yous need them too often prior to producing anything of value that warrants a thank you Like I don’t, this is where I think we can get into some good stuff. If I’m a boss, I don’t think I have to thank an employee for showing up at the time that you’re supposed to show up.
Meg Rich: But some people expect that
Justin Oswald: well, they’re wrong.
Ruthie Christie: Do you feel like your paycheck is your, thank you. Like you’re doing your job and here’s what you get for that.
Justin Oswald: You applied for a job. The job is eight to five and that’s what time it starts.You wanted the job, you got the job. That’s what time you show up for the job. What are we thanking you for? Now, I’m not fully right, surly, in my thinking. So I’m just going to preface that.
You don’t, you don’t tell a guy who pays child support thank you. It’s what you’re supposed to- you’re supposed to take care of your kid. You’re supposed to show up to work. What am I thanking you for? That sounds kind of harsh though. When I say it out loud. you know?
Meg Rich: I understand that. So I I’ll give you a little backstory on me.
I was married before and it was not awesome. And, I would do things, around the house. I was the one who kept to the house. I was the one who kept the lawn. I was the one who did all the grocery shopping and I cooked and I did. I did all of
Justin Oswald: the
Meg Rich: things.
Justin Oswald: #score. Just kidding.
Meg Rich: I’m sure that our, all of our listeners can just feel the look I just gave you right now.
Justin Oswald: That was hilarious. That was hilarious.
Meg Rich: So that relationship did not last. The relationship I’m in now with Ben, I keep thanking him for things that he does. So he will empty the dishwasher. The dishwasher is something I can empty too. It’s there. I can walk by it a million times and not empty it.
And he will walk by it a million times and not empty it. And it’s cool. But when he does, I always tell him, thank you. And I had somebody actually tell me that that was crazy because he’s supposed to do that. Well, yeah, he is, but I didn’t have that for so long. So I really am grateful to have that help.
Justin Oswald: But it’s genuine gratitude.
Meg Rich: It is genuine gratitude.
Justin Oswald: I get that. I’m I’m I can get down with that. Which is why I can’t. I what I said, where I said, I don’t think it’s fully when I said like, I’m not fully right. It’s because of that. Like, I can’t impose that thought on everybody. It is genuine gratitude because of what you didn’t have. That’s interesting.
I feel like gratitude is something we all need in some, in some way as people. I don’t mean to make it sound like that the people that maybe work underneath you or that you lead don’t need or she shouldn’t give thanks too. I think sometimes some people, when they get frustrated or they get at their water cooler, it’s like, no, they never showed me gratitude. What they’re referring to is they got mad over something. Sometimes it may not be the full story, like showing up to work on time doesn’t warrant a thank you. Let’s move on. What did you do today to go above and beyond? And when you go above and beyond the required job description something, now we’re in gratitude territory. That’s the way my brain works. It’s like, yeah. It’s about results.
Meg Rich: I feel like it also could go back to, you know, how does, how does that person feel about getting the thank you. Does it feel, is it love? Is it respect? Does it feel fall somewhere in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Like what, what are you touching on that they may not be getting anywhere else?
Somebody handed me a report. Yep. That’s great. It’s your job to hand in the report. Hey, thanks for putting in the time to do this. Thanks for getting it to me really early. It’s that above and beyond, but you know, that may be the only type of affection that they get shown that day.
Justin Oswald: I get it. And I also believe that as the leader, it is my responsibility or our responsibility to learn the people that you lead.
Meg Rich: Correct.
Justin Oswald: I don’t expect. So what, when I said what I said, I don’t expect people that I lead to all conform to the way my brain works. I think that responsibility is on me to learn if someone needs that, even though I may think it’s ridiculous and shouldn’t have to be done, maybe that’s what they need.
Cause maybe over the long run, maybe they produce fantastic results. And if that means every once in a while, throwing some thank yous out there that maybe I think are kind of dumb or not dumb, useless thank yous. To them, they’re not. And if that means something to them, then it’s not hurting anyone and they don’t have to know that I feel that way because then you kind of, then, then it’s very not genuine.
And to me, it is genuine because of the longterm. You’re, you’re showing your gratitude to what the person, you know, contributes to the organization as a whole. I may think the thank you is kind of ridiculous for little things. I’m not right. I know I’m not right. I’m being honest here.
Meg Rich: What you reward and what you recognize, even if it’s small, it gets repeated.
So if you tell me something, ‘Hey, thanks for formatting this memo like this’ I’m going to format that memo like that from now on. And it may have been that it just really easy for you to read, for our leadership to read for whatever the case, but just saying, ‘Hey, thanks for doing that’. Not really above and beyond just I made it pretty.
Ruthie Christie: I think that is a great point about the sincerity. Like if you are sincerely grateful, then take the time. If the thought occurs to you in your brain, like, wow, I really like this better than gratitude can be a tool, right? Not that you’re manipulating, if it’s coming from a place of sincerity, like you really are setting a preference. Like maybe it’s the expectation is that the memo gets sent for your job and you’re going to send the memo, but the preference of the boss or a team mate, is that ‘I like when you format it this way’, Ben, I love when you empty the dishwasher, thank you’. We have both experienced in the past when you’re not thanked, why would you keep doing it?
And even if it’s not just above and beyond, because I’m thinking now, like what you said Justin, about you got the job. You’re coming to work. You agreed to do this. I’m thinking like if I was a small business owner and I hired someone and they’re coming in. This is my business, like sink or swim, and this is my livelihood on the line and yeah, they have a job. This is my passion. This is my heart. And they’re coming and contributing to that and they’re helping. And like, they could go work anywhere, but they’re coming here and putting their time and talent?
Justin Oswald: Genuine gratitude.
Ruthie Christie: Here? like genuine gratitude. I think that is real, but you said it like you have to know your team. Because if that’s not important to you, then I’m not going to take time to write out a really specific handwritten thank you note on my pretty note cards and send it to you in the mail because you’re not going to tack it up on your wall and make you feel good when you look at.
Justin Oswald: Maybe that’s something you figured out in the hiring process, whoever you are like. If I was that leader, maybe I would want to staff accordingly and I don’t think that’s wrong to do that. Cause I don’t think that person is wrong, but I don’t necessarily mean that makes the leader wrong either.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, totally.
Justin Oswald: You know what I mean?
Ruthie Christie: Yeah. It’s also subjective right? And I’m glad you brought that up. Cause I did, I worked in a place where that was part of our onboarding process was this question about like, what’s your favorite color? What is your home address? It was like available to everyone in the organization for the specific reason of being able to send thank you notes or flowers, which happened a lot. And so then that was part of the question is like, what’s your favorite flower?
And then was like, how do you, how do you prefer to be shown gratitude? Like, how do you like it when someone, because for some people, right, it’s embarrassing, like do not make me stand up in the all company meeting. And now everyone’s clapping. Everyone’s looking at me like that stresses me out. I don’t like it.
So just right up front, right off the bat, before we missed step and do this, throw this big party that you never asked for, let’s ask you at the front end. And I think that helped people like know what to expect and know how to like, Hey, I’m going to go look up, Meg does not want a party thrown for her, but she wants to hear how her work made an impact.
Justin Oswald: So in that company culture, that seemed to be successful doing that
Ruthie Christie: it was very successful and it was also very talked about it wasn’t something that just happened when he got hired and then nothing ever happened with it. It was a living breathing, we use this approach.
Justin Oswald: And anyone could find that info. Like you could send a coworker, something in the mail to their house, just cause you appreciate something, they did.
Ruthie Christie: Yes, our IT team, it was so internal to our it team. When a new person got hired, it became part of their outlook contact. Their name, their address, their management by strengths color, and then their preferences. Also, if they collected anything, which I thought was cool. So if you like, Oh, snowglobe collection, I’ll get you a little snow globe.
So it isn’t just meaningless praise or like a high five in the hallway or something. You’d be like, I am gonna. It’s your birthday that was in there too. Like I’m going to do something that I know you appreciate. Not just some random gift card.
Justin Oswald: I do like that. I like that a lot
Ruthie Christie: very specific. Yeah. Which I think is also important.
Like you said, Meg, like when you are expressing gratitude, it’s not just like this general generic. Hey, thanks. You know, anyone can set up a mail merge and just send, thank you to everybody, but like what you did that day with that memo made a difference. It made it so much easier for me to get this work done.
You know, that really specific stuff. I think that is what makes good, because if it’s worth your time to stop and do that, it’s probably sincere. Yeah.
Justin Oswald: I liked that a lot.
Ruthie Christie: That’s my thought.
Justin Oswald: Yeah. And because, you know, I, I would not have thought about it until you said it about the public recognition for a lot of people who don’t want it.
Meg Rich: Me, I don’t want that.
Justin Oswald: You know, so it’s like, that is so to someone like me, who does, I would not have thought the assumptions that’s what everyone wants is our needs is for the rest of the team to know you did something that was praiseworthy or, or, you know, But to hear that people actually don’t want that. I’m like, what really? Wow. But, but I think it is cool. You could just send something in the mail to them. And it’s like a little handwritten card, you know, and we all know like handwritten cards, that’s, that’s better than like a generic, like all those things. Like I get it, but, That’s so interesting to me.
Ruthie Christie: It’s interesting. Isn’t it? How like, and that just goes back to what you said Justin, about. Like, you have to know your people, you have to know your people because otherwise you might end up making a misstep and especially in our world where it’s nonprofit world and you got volunteers and you’ve got people who aren’t paid to be here.
You have to know who’s on your team and sometimes it’s, you know, kudos to the people who really just have that skill of paying attention and remembering everything about a person when they meet them. But I know for me, it’s taken, like I gotta make some notes and maybe like, not right in front of them, but like, I’m going to put it in my phone.
Justin Oswald: A people file.
Ruthie Christie: A people file. Yes. Something in the outlook contacts about, or in my phone contacts or whatever about like, okay. I know that they really love. Cinnamon Dolce latte with an extra pump of espresso. Like if I’m stopping by Starbucks and we’re going in early for a meeting, I will remember that and try to pit or, or at least text and be like, I know you like coffee, but don’t remember what it was. What can I get you? Like something to express like that?
Justin Oswald: Well then yeah, the nonprofit world is a different animal. I mean, I mean, my org, we have five staff members, that’s it? You know, the rest is volunteer and it’s, it’s a struggle for me personally. Because you even have like leaders that are like senior leaders in that, but there’s volunteer.
So it’s like the hard part is trying to figure that out. The obvious thing is anybody who volunteers for anything like that, I’m completely grateful for that.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, completely speaking my language.
Justin Oswald: It’s so easy for those in my office who are here every day to forget the fact that everyone else are volunteers and they’re they’re at their job till five. And then they spend time doing, it’s like, it’s so easy to forget that.
And because of that, I try very hard to remember it. And that will enable us to show, show gratitude. Like I sent the thing last night, like, I feel like the audience is gonna think, I don’t say thank you to anybody. Last night we did the zoom call. We had some people on a zoom call.
And then after I sent in the base camp message thing, was like, Hey, thanks for everybody being on. right now we’re in just everything’s changing. And I was like, it’s fun to serve with people who are excited about the challenge, you know? And I just sent that to everybody that was on it.
And I, I genuinely meant that. And I don’t just send stuff like that. Like I don’t just do it to cause I feel like I have to, I really meant that, you know?
Meg Rich: Yeah. And I think that that’s the key to expressing gratitude correctly is that- don’t give a thank you or don’t express gratitude because someone is expecting it.
And if they are expecting it, you need to sit down and dig deeper and to figure out why they’re expecting it and why you don’t feel that it’s needed. Because there is a breakdown of communication of expectations, and that is how to lower morale real quick . So I think that, you know, just sitting down and having that talk and just being open and being humans and having a conversation.
Ruthie Christie: I know, I know we were talking about young professionals, only people in the workplace.
And I keep bringing up little kids and these different episodes, but it is remarkably similar. And I’ll just tell you guys that like sometimes using gratitude first does get you to the result. Like I can remember at like, you know, circle time or something with a room full four year olds and just this one little boy.
And he, I mean, he’s a little boy, right? And I want to run and we want to play, I want to kick stuff over and all of that. And just pulling them aside and saying like, thank you so much for being a leader today at circle time, circle time has not happened yet. I want to say thank you so much down to his level saying.
I appreciate that you are such a good leader today. You’re really showing everyone how to do the right thing in the classroom. And I’m so glad that you’re going to sit still and that you’re going to have your listening ears on it. He is just eating it up, smile and nod and smile and nod. And this kid is like, yeah, I’m going to be a leader today.
I’m going to sit still in circle time. And so it’s almost like, priming the pump. Like I’m going to be grateful when you do these things, because I know you’re going to do them. And in some ways with volunteers, I think it’s obviously not a, you can’t speak to people that way, adults. They don’t like it. I have learned-
Meg Rich: But I think that that goes, goes back to you have talked to this little boy in a way that he understands and that you have given him that attention and that love that he needs to learn and grow, but you’ve also set an expectation.
Ruthie Christie: And that’s it. So like with a volunteer coming in, you’re saying like, I’m so grateful you showed up today.
What I’m really trying hard to get done is dah, dah, dah, even if it’s yeah, you already agreed to this, you signed the thing you said you would you’re late, but it’s still, it’s just that like gratitude first. And then what, like maybe I’m not getting a hundred percent, but maybe I can get 80.
That could be a strategy, I guess. And now I don’t want to sound like manipulative or something.
Justin Oswald: No, I know what you mean. I mean, it’s just delicate. I think it’s kind of knowing that it’s knowing that kid really, you know, you pick out like this kid probably has influence on the other kids, you know, and those types of things.
But, but I also have a hard time, like for example, we have this, I had this guy that’s been doing some work for us around our new building painting. And, I gave him his check yesterday and he’s like, he was super sincere. Thank you. So like I felt weird saying you’re welcome again.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, like he did the work and you’re just providing the payment.
Justin Oswald: He was like, thank you for, thanks for this man. Really appreciate it. Like he was, and he was being genuine. I’m like, Oh, no problem. And you’re welcome. But it was like, I’m supposed to pay you because you did the work. You don’t need to thank me. I’m thanking you by thank you for the paint. Thank you for the work.
Here’s your compensation for it. Like I have a weird, I had a weird thing going back to like, I’m supposed to do that. I’m supposed to pay you. Don’t thank me. I found that weird. I found that difficult.
Ruthie Christie: That is interesting. That is so interesting
Meg Rich: But at the same time, I think that, you know, you don’t know where he is in life.
He, this could be what is going to pay his, his housing. And it could be that he gets to go get groceries now. And so he really is genuinely thankful for it.
Justin Oswald: Totally get that. And I totally get that. Maybe I found it weird because it’s at it wasn’t like me. Justin wasn’t paying him. The church was, but he was thanking Justin, you know? So it was like, I think there’s a level of that, of like, he’s like, it’s like, I’m just a representative at this moment that signs the check. It’s not my money. It’s, it’s our money that we’re paying, you know? But, I think it went back to like, one, we appreciate what he has done. He’s done a great job and he’s helping us out.
and he very well could be what, what you’re saying. It just, it was weird to me though. Cause in my mind, I’m like, I don’t. I don’t need that because I’m supposed to do it. It would be, it would be different. It will be different if he says, Hey, I’m going to come volunteer and just paint this building for y’all.
And then I gave him a check. Then he’s like, wow. Now it’s like, okay, I get the, thank you. And I, and I was, but we had an agreement. You’re going to do work. I’m going to pay you. Cool. And we are appreciative, but he was thanking me and I felt like I had been there. I should be thanking him.
Meg Rich: I feel like in past experiences, if somebody is very grateful for something in that instince of we’ve agreed on this, you know, I expect you to do this. They are mirroring what they would like from you.
Ruthie Christie: That guy was disappointed. This poor man, all you gave him was money,
Meg Rich: but you know-
Justin Oswald: See y’all next week on the podcast!
Meg Rich: If I do something for someone and they praise me in a great way. I have noticed that that is the thank you that they are asking for in return when they do things.
Ruthie Christie: So maybe that’s just the language that they speak.
Meg Rich: Just the language that they speak.
And it’s okay. I think, especially in a business transaction, it is much different, than in like a volunteer situation. But, you know, knowing who you’re talking to, maybe, you know, giving them some grace about where they are in life and what’s going on, especially those volunteer roles, because, you know, we’re, we’re volunteers. We don’t get paid to do this podcast, but I am grateful. I am grateful for both of you and, and for Meg, our producer to get together and spend so much time making this thing. Cause this is like I’ve had a not so awesome week. And like, this has kind of kept me goin to know that I can come here. So, you know, I’m grateful for that, but I’m not going to be like, Oh my God, you guys are amazing. Thank you so much. That’s not me.
Ruthie Christie: No, that’s me,
Meg Rich: But I don’t want that back.
Ruthie Christie: So I kind of wonder then, like in that instance where. Cause I’ll tell you that I am that person. I am over the top. I am sincerely extraordinarily grateful for just about everything at all times. And I think some of it is because I have like an optimistic personality, but also some of it is because I have been in workplaces where it’s almost like you’re- and if that doesn’t fit with you, you don’t really fit in that organization. So then like the people who are left are the ones who all buy this and we call it, you know, drink the Koolaid and like thats how, we interact with each other and how we like, just really, really show that.
I can tell you what you said earlier, Meg, about sometimes you just receive the gratitude because you know it’s not really about you, it’s about the other person. On behalf of all the really super enthusiastic people in the world. Thank you. Because there is nothing that is a bigger buzz kill than like you are trying to be gracious and excited and you are really truly grateful and someone is just like stone face, not willing to connect with you and share their energy with you. It is like as high as you fly as far as you fall. Like it can ruin the mood. I was happy to do this work. I’m grateful that you paid me, like, I’m excited. It’s almost a weekend, you know? And then this, someone was just like, all right, man. Well, whatever is what we agreed to.
Like, here’s your money.
Justin Oswald: Yeah, that’s lame. Yeah, you’re talking, you’re attacking me right now, but that’s-
Ruthie Christie: I’m using you as a prime example.
Justin Oswald: I know, but you’re, you’re absolutely right. I I’m sitting here thinking about. Even the, like you’re supposed to do. I think of like, if I was in a car wreck and went to an ambulance, came, they’re supposed to save you, but I would be grateful and thanking them, but they’re supposed to do that, you know?
GratuityRuthie Christie: Oh my Gosh, I’m sorry. You made me think of an office quote.
Justin Oswald: Let’s hear it.
Ruthie Christie: It’s one of the episodes where they order pizza and they have a bunch of pizza delivered.
Justin Oswald: Pizza by Alfredo, or our Alfredo’s pizza?
Ruthie Christie: It’s whatever the bad one was. Cause Michael ordered it. He got it wrong. And the pizza delivery dude comes and Dwight doesn’t tip him and he has this talking head.
Dwight says, “I never tip for something I could do myself”, like talking about the- like I could’ve gotten those pieces myself. He says, “I did however, tip my urologist”
Meg Rich: Because I cannot pulverize my own kidney stones.
Justin Oswald: Yes, yes. I can get down with that. Like, I totally resonate with that statement.
Ruthie Christie: But do you like? Does that extend? So that’s a good question actually, and not to put you on spot Justin but like gratuity.
Justin Oswald: Okay. You know, that’s different. The, I tip good. I’m a 20% minimum guy. Yeah. Minimum.
Meg Rich: I mean, you have to, you have to have done something severely wrong.
Justin Oswald: Severely wrong. And I get some, I get some bad- I almost said the restaurant, we was at a restaurant the other day. Cause my whole thing is like, sometimes it’s not the waitresses fault. If the food’s wrong and people get mad at their waitress, I’m like, this is -okay. She just brought it like, you know, what are you mad at her for? She didn’t, she didn’t cook the steak, whatever. But like we were at this place for lunch and there’s like four tables, like there’s four and this girl was having a hard time and I was like, look, if you’re overwhelmed now, You’re not going to make it.
Like if you’re, if this is overwhelming you and you can’t handle this, like maybe you need to, I don’t know. It’s not for you. and I feel like at some point, this person needs to know that yeah. But I don’t want to tell her.
No, no, no. So, no, like you never know what happened earlier. Like I do try to be, I try to think that way, but I’m a 20% minimum.
Cause I know waitresses don’t make hardly anything and that’s what, that’s their livelihood, you know? So I get it. if it’s, if it’s really, really, really bad, I also think at some point you gotta send a message like, Hey, this was not good service. He needed to maybe do something, but, you know, I’m if you can keep my drink refilled, we’re good. There’s nothing worse than a drink being empty. Like that. Pisses me off. Just bring a picture and leave it on the table. I’ll do it myself. Aggravated, but not too. I try to tip good. Now we’re getting into some deep therapy type stuff. I think part of it is for example, we’re in Pensacola, Florida, my favorite restaurant Global Grill, my waiter at Global Grill is Jared.
That’s who I use. I asked for, he knows me. I have a guy. I have a guy. Yeah. Yeah. so I like that. I think there’s a self serving, but I want to be remembered as a good tipper in return for more good service. And we’ll just keep this going here. Like, we’ll just keep we’ll you grease, grease. You, you grease me.
That sounded weird. Could come up with a better analogy, but like, you know what I’m saying? So like, I that’s, that’s in my head. So it’s kind of self serving. And I don’t even like that term, but you know, you did good. Here’s here’s some money, but remember this face cause I’ll be back. Cause it was good.
Ruthie Christie: So, keep it good.
Justin Oswald: I’m a three on enneagram, you know, like I want to walk in and they’d be like,’ Oh, Justin! what’s up’ you know, like that’s just, that’s ego three stupid stuff. So forgive me.
Ruthie Christie: But, no, no, I don’t think there’s any forgiveness required in this podcast. It’s a safe space.
Justin Oswald: Well, it’s only episode four, so I’m sure we can fix that at some point.
MentorsMeg Rich: I’m going to shift gears a little bit. We’ve been talking about, you know, in volunteer roles we’ve been talking about at work. One of the big things that I am a big proponent of is having mentors. I always feel awkward. I feel awkward all the time, but I feel more awkward when I am trying to show gratitude for my mentor, because they’ve been there for me, but they are right alongside me and they are cheering me on and they are in it with me.
And I always, I don’t know, this one always trips me up because I, I feel weird getting them a gift, but for me, a thanks would be to have them share in my success. So, or work through my failure. So how do you guys handle that? How do you, how do you thank your mentors.
Justin Oswald: Being their mentee. Just kidding.
Ruthie Christie: Wow.
Justin Oswald: I couldn’t even say it without laughing was just kidding. No, no, no, no, no.
Ruthie Christie: You said at Meg when I succeed, they succeed.
Justin Oswald: Yeah, no, I was just kidding. So I think what pops in my head is what Ruthie was saying earlier almost about love languages. I don’t know, maybe they’re super busy and being able to get away to a lunch would be meaningful or something, you know? I, I dunno. I think it depends on the person. I don’t really know how to answer that. I think it’s circumstantial maybe depending upon how they are. Yeah, but I don’t know.
Ruthie Christie: So I will said I’m lavish with gratitude. And so I, and I’m a huge fan of handwritten thank you notes. Like I brought that with me, like that, wasn’t just because I worked in that one place. Like I have continued that and I was taught that as a child. So I think for me, like, that’s how you do that is the right thing to do.
So for me it is like, again, like citing specific examples. So like you said, Meg, like if I had a mentor and went on to do some, like a project that ended up going really well or something like that, letting them know that like communicating that, Hey, this happened and it was great.
I’m thinking about what you just said, Justin. I had a mentor and I think it was one of those, like I got a job and she had taken me to lunch like once a month. And then I like the whole goal was like graduate and get a job and I got a job. So I was really excited to be like, I get paid. I can take you to lunch now, but she moved away before we had the chance to do that. But that was my thought with like, and that’s hard with gratitude too, because like you have all these amazing thoughts and then like, do you actually do them? Or was it really the thought that counted. That’s a different topic, but I want, like, that was the plan was to be like a return. Like it is appropriate of our relationship. We’d been to lunch several times. And now in this case, I would like to just demonstrate. Could she afford lunch? Of course. But like now I can too. And so it may, and it means more coming from the, you know, poor, young professional than this established community business leader.
Justin Oswald: But you know, handwritten, I think you can never go wrong with a handwritten card.
Meg Rich: Absolutely not say a handwritten note is so easy. Like, I’m sorry, if you have genuine gratitude for someone and you want to show it and you don’t know what they, what their love languages, you don’t know anything. And you can’t spend literally five minutes to sit down and write a thank you it and it needs to be handwritten.
Don’t send an email, just don’t just, don’t send an email. Write it out. Put a stamp on it. Deliver it to their desks. Something along those lines. Then you obviously are not grateful for what they have done for you.
Justin Oswald: I think you’re right. Which is why I am absolutely opposed to the whole card industry.
I don’t buy cards for people. And if you give me a card, I’ll read it. But as soon as you turn your head- right in the trash. Because here’s why. I’m talking about cards that have stuff on them. You didn’t write that. You read it and was like, huh, he’ll like this and stuck in envelope. That’s how I feel. Y’all are all looking at me like I’m crazy.
Cause my mom’s always like buy a card for someone, buy a card for someone. But I want to do a whole handwritten card. Like nothing printed from the factory. That’s like, you know,
Ruthie Christie: Oh, it’s like a canned response almost.
Justin Oswald: Like birthday cards you want to CVS and the whole wall of cards. Like you read it and it’s like this whole love poem. And then it’s like, ah, and then all you do is like write at the end, like love and your name. And it’s like, well, you didn’t write none of it. If you can. That’s an insult to me, if you gave me that. So I’m like, you didn’t write none of this.
Meg Rich: See, I love
Ruthie Christie: Glad we missed your birthday.
Justin Oswald: no, no, no, listen, let me, let me, this is so funny because here’s the deal. I also know. I’m really alone in that feeling. And I know a lot of people give cards, so I would never like if you gave me a card and you were like, I got you a card, I would never give that whole spiel blank. You know, I don’t do cards. Like, why’d you give me? I will never say that
Meg Rich: So Justin, if I were to give you a card, it would be me spending 45 minutes in the card aisle finding one that fit for both of us, probably an inside joke of some kind. And then on top of that, I would write something in the card for you.
Justin Oswald: Well, that’s, that’s kinda different.
Meg Rich: I’ve spent 45 minutes looking for the perfect card before, and then I gave up an order it online.
Justin Oswald: But why don’t you just write something like you just said, spent five minutes on a handwritten thing.
Meg Rich: Cause I’m not funny.
Justin Oswald: Okay. I see what you’re saying. I see what you’re saying. The funny ones are funny, but it’s like to me- it’s so I have this really good friend, him and his wife.
They’re close friends of mine and his wife, I’ve known a lot longer. And we have this tradition that we got to eat every year on her birthday. And I write her card on a napkin at dinner while she’s sitting there. That’s the tradition. And I write it. And sometimes I draw a little, I draw a little picture and all this stuff.
And to me that means more than if I went and been like, Oh yeah, this is cute. She’ll like this. And sign my name and give it to her. That’s just me. But I also understand, like, my mom still sends me. My mom knows how I feel about cards and still sends them.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, that’s funny. That’s funny.
Meg Rich: That’s funny.
Justin Oswald: I think so too.
She’s like, screw you. I don’t care what you feel. I’m sending you a card. And I think that’s something funny about that too.
Ruthie Christie: Like you agree that like the canned response or like the, all like the premeditated poem or something like that, where you’re just like this, they could come off as insincere. My problem is they cost so much money.
Justin Oswald: Oh, well, that’s ridiculous. But here’s, here’s why this is important. Talk about, I would have never thought about what you just said. That someone spent 45 minutes looking for that. I would have never thought that in my head, I’ve never, that’s never crossed my mind.
Ruthie Christie: You think they just grabbed the first thing that was like, not geared at a toddler.
Meg Rich: It could be that they aren’t eloquent with our words and they find meaning and they resonate with the, and that they find I
Justin Oswald: You’ve opened my eyes a little bit.
Ruthie Christie: Yeah. But what about, so like, as we’re talking about this, I’m thinking like two of my favorite things to do. Are to go to Marshall’s because they have amazing thank you cards that are pretty cheap.
But like, I love buying new. Boxes of thank you cards. Cause I only get like 12 at a time so I can send them and then I’m ready for the next one. And I love going to the post office and buying stamps and seeing what like there’s tree frog stamps that were out. And now there’s these orchids
Justin Oswald: Y’all ain’t busy enough or something.
Meg Rich: I mean, I order mine online and they just deliver to my house.
Ruthie Christie: That leads perfectly into my next point is that I have time held every Friday morning on my calendar at 8:30 for gratitude. And I’ve had that for the last four years of my life. And that is the time when I sit, because if it’s important, you make time for it. And so I sit and write at least one, thank you note every week and send it in the mail to someone.
So that’s why I need to buy more stamps and more cards. So frequently is because I am, it is important to me. I think it is. It does, it leads into the next thing is that you have to scan for the positives. Like if you’re looking for something to be grateful for, that means you’re reflecting back. I do it on Friday so I can look back over the week, find something specific.
There’s always something to be grateful for like in your life, even if you’re not like me and like fawning over every little, you know, refill of your water at the restaurant or whatever, but there’s always something to be grateful for. And if you spend a little bit of time thinking through first thing in the morning, before you get busy, before you open your email, And you look back at your week and find something to be grateful for.
There are benefits to you. It’s not about the other person there are benefits to your brain.
Justin Oswald: It’s like forgiveness.
Ruthie Christie: It’s like forgiveness. This is for you.
Meg Rich: So I’m gonna put you on the spot. It’s we’re recording this on a Friday. Yeah. What are you grateful for today?
Ruthie Christie: Today? Okay, so also I have a little whiteboard and I write what I’m grateful for every day.
Like, of course today I’m grateful for, and you fill in the blank. It’s really weird working from home because there’s no one else to read it, but I still do it every day. So
This week on the white board or this morning on the white board was the cone that I have. My dog, Daisy, isn’t a cone. It’s not a big deal, but she has to wear it. And I found this it’s called Zen cone and I found it at Petco and I was able to buy it on the app and use it, pet power awards and go pick it up. They brought it out to me in the parking lot. Like it was great. And it ended up only being like seven bucks. This thing is like $30 normally. And it’s like a comfier cone and it’s got these little clear panels so she can see out the side. She can stay in it and sleep in it and stuff. So I wrote on my little whiteboard today, like today, I’m grateful for the colon. Daisey’s comfy colon.
Meg Rich: So can I request that you take a picture of Daisy and the comfy cone and can we put it in the show notes?
Ruthie Christie: I have several, I will text them to all to you. I’ll put them in our slack.
Meg Rich: I think we just need, we need to share this with our listeners. So Justin, what are you grateful for today?
Justin Oswald: Today, I’m grateful for the ability to take it easy this morning and relax. And I’m thankful for YouTube premium for only being $12 a month and no more ads for this guy.
Ruthie Christie: Wow. I thought it was like $50 a month. Or is that YouTube TV?
Justin Oswald: That’s YouTube TV. YouTube Premium has no ads.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, that’s worth it.
Justin Oswald: Like chilling in bed this morning. It was raining. I was just on YouTube watching, like Def Leppard.
Ruthie Christie: That was just you’re relaxing time
Justin Oswald: And that’s just, that’s something kind of just a stupid grateful for like, this is nothing, but I’m grateful for it today, but I’m grateful for, you know, I’m, I’m like I’m loving life right now, you know?
Ruthie Christie: What are you grateful for? Yeah, it’s hard when you’ve had a hard week and it’s hard, but it’s worth it.
Meg Rich: No, I know. I think that having a hard week makes me grateful for real lot more things because I have to stop and scan for the positive and consciously do that. So I am grateful for my teams. I lead several projects at a time and, we had a lot of stuff going on with a lot of these projects and, I’m just really grateful. I have a very. Good set of resilient teams and they’re very flexible and willing to go above and beyond. So that’s what I’m thankful for.
Ruthie Christie: Do they know that?
Meg Rich: They will on Monday.
Ruthie Christie: Cause that was something else that I thought might be interesting for us to talk about is like, Even when it may be, isn’t it.
And this is for you guys. This is just a sincere question, but like Justin you’ve said a few times, like, I know I’m not right, like in this feeling, but like when is it? Oh, the like, is it ever okay to role model something? If it’s not a hundred percent sincere, like, do you find yourself having to force it?
Cause like, if someone never has to force that, I don’t know what the, I would be like.but do you have to like. Okay. I’m going to say thank you, even though I don’t really mean it. Like, is that part of your life?
Justin Oswald: So, okay, I have the answer, the question say yes, it’s part of my life. It doesn’t process in my brain like that in the moment. It’s not. Yeah. That the way you said that sounds terrible.
Ruthie Christie: Oh, sorry.
Justin Oswald: Like, it sounds terrible. Like in the sense of like very disingenuous or manipulative, or you could put these labels on it. It doesn’t process in my brain like that. So what you’re asking reminds me of, obviously we talk about, I love the Enneagram when I was in the Enneagram, when I was in the weeklong class for our accreditation and our training, we were on the three I’m a three, and we were on that and the lady was up there, was kind of going over the three and we were talking about it, cause it was a couple of us in the class and all this. And one of the girls that was in the back, her husband’s a three. And she said, dude, she said, “this is a question for the threes. Do you actually believe your own bull crap?”
And my answer was yes, because if we didn’t, it would not be, it will not be authentic, you know?
So it’s, it’s almost like, Cause I’m only answering it from my personal, from a personalized standpoint is like, we’re called like where the chameleon, the threes. It makes us, I was very good in sales when I did sales for a living. You read a room, so it’s sometimes you’re, you’re, you’re giving off what the person may need and it’s not calculated manipulation to get them to like you, it’s just what you instinctively do.
So it. It’s it’s, it’s weird. It’s kind of complicated. I guess it sounds really, I don’t want to sound stupid.
Ruthie Christie: No, no, no. That makes sense. But you’re not doing it to set an example though, either you’re just doing it because like in this interaction, I can understand what this person needs for me. So I’m going to provide it.
Justin Oswald: Oh, say so. So as, as for an example, I would even say, and at least in my context, in my organization. There is an expectation for team leaders to do certain things with their teams, because it’s the right thing to do from a at least theoretically and all that. But it goes contrary to some of the stuff I’ve said like today, you know, like I don’t necessarily my first instinct isn’t to say or do that.
So I try to have to model that because I do think the team leaders still, cause I do think it’s important. I just don’t always, easily instinctively do that. So yes, I think sometimes you have to model it. I mean, you know,
Meg Rich: But it doesn’t come from, from a facade. Like you genuinely, I know that you don’t feel, but you genuinely have something inside of you.
Justin Oswald: I have the big picture in mind. The big picture is this fits and it’s right. Yeah. And the small, I don’t necessarily. I would not choose to do that. So I think in the big picture, it’s right. It’s the right thing to do. I don’t know. That’s very weird. I’m that sounds weird. I’m just trying to be on, I’m going to be honest on the podcast.
It’s like I hope some people aren’t listening to this, but, um, It’s it’s but that’s why I think self awareness is important because self-awareness knowing your type is, is actually very much about it increases your empathy for others. And that’s been my journey with the Enneagram is trying to figure that out.
Not for myself, but for my empathy for others, and increase that. Yes, I do think it is the do, as I say, not as I do is not real and doesn’t work. People do what you do. Like you have, if you’re a leader, you need to model what leadership is, especially in whatever your culture is. It’s got to fit the culture and you can’t say something should be in our culture. And culture is a byproduct of the leaders and you have to be intentional with it. So I don’t know.
Meg Rich: All right. So last, last question. And I’m going to pose it to Ruthie first, cause I know that you have a lot to say, if you could leave our listeners with. One, but probably more, tangible things that they can do to increase their gratitude for others, what is it?
Ruthie Christie: I think you have to write it down. Like if it’s going to be one thing, like write it down every day, whether it’s at the first thing you do in the morning or the last thing you do or on your lunch break, or at some point, just like take a minute to pause and reflect and you don’t necessarily have to hold time on your calendar and send thank you cards every week, like, or, you know, throw a big, thank you. Appreciation dinner or something like that, but just. Start building. It’s like a muscle, like start building it a little bit at a time because it will make you a happier person. And that is not opinion, so.
Meg Rich: Yeah.
Justin Oswald: Yeah. That’s good.
Meg Rich: Justin, one tangible thing.
Justin Oswald: I would say it’s it’s she said something tangible from like writing it down. I’m going to say something tangible from the, from the, from the point of like mindset is it’s understanding that people don’t exist to serve you. You should be serving them. And it helps to pick out the things in their, in their uniqueness- how they bring value to whatever your organization is and understand that you exist, especially if you’re a boss or a leader, not for them to serve you, but for you to serve them. And your job is to figure out in their uniqueness, how to help them thrive in that. Use that gift set, use that skill, use that, whatever it is that makes them great and flourish in that then, and understand it’s about service.
And when you start, you can’t look at people, try to find where their gift is and how they’re unique and how they’re using this is awesome without figuring out why you appreciate them and why they bring value to you team or your organization or whatever. Was that, was that an answer? Okay. I feel like that kind of, maybe it wasn’t an answer, but
what about you?
Meg Rich: Um, so I, I always fall back into the, when in doubt, if you are grateful for somebody or someone or something or whatever it is, tell them. Just tell them, and it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. Exactly how they want to be thanked. You don’t have to know exactly how, what they feel about it, just express genuine gratitude, but be genuine in your gratitude.
Justin Oswald: I like that be genuine in your gratitude.
Meg Rich: Be genuine in your
Justin Oswald: Don’t placate the people. I like that. Awesome.
Meg Rich: All right.
Justin Oswald: What else you got?
Meg Rich: Do we want to do the Wheel of questions?
Justin Oswald: Hit it up
Ruthie Christie: Wheel of question.
Meg Rich: Alright, who’s going first.
Justin Oswald: Oh, sure. I’ll take it.
Meg Rich: All right.
Are you tougher mentally or tougher physically?
Justin Oswald: Mentally. Yeah, mentally, physically. Yeah. I mean like no, I mean, like. No, I’m, I’m the strongest mentally ever. I’m very mentally strong, which is why I don’t need to cry. Remember that? Full circle.
Ruthie Christie: Right? Full circle. Are we doing the same question or should we do different questions?
Meg Rich: Let’s do a different question. Ruthie I have yours. Okay. If you could donate $1 million to charity, which would you choose?
Ruthie Christie: Clearly, you know, I have to say. Of all the amazingly worthy charities out there, there is a new one that’s popped up on my radar and in our lives lately with our very dear friend, Sarah, who is stepping into a leadership role with this organization, Nissi Worldwide. And their, the mission is to end human trafficking. And I just think that the work they are doing already and the work that they could do with that much more money would probably go really, really far and do a lot of good
Justin Oswald: love that. Yeah. There’s two good sex trafficking organizations here. Yeah. I didn’t know that I’ve never heard of that one, but when I saw that about Sarah, I think that’s great.
Ruthie Christie: Love that. And besides the fact that like Sarah is our best friend and we want her to do really well, like she is going to do amazing things with that organization. I wish I could. What’d you call it a check? Write her a check? Venmo her a bunch of money and do it that way. That’s what I would pick.
Okay. Meg, what three adjectives would your family use to describe you?
Meg Rich: This is not an explicit podcast, so, I think that I would be described as very driven, I’m also very stubborn. but I would, I would hope that they would also describe me as very loving and that I have a big heart.
Ruthie Christie: Awww…
Meg Rich: I just, I’m an Enneagram eight, so I don’t show it that often.
Ruthie Christie: I like that. Okay. If anyone in the future, if I’m ever describing you, I’m going to use those three adjectives.
Meg Rich: I like that.
Ruthie Christie: I love it.
Justin Oswald: Awesome. That’s fun. Good call.
Ruthie Christie: All right. You guys was that episode four?
Meg Rich: Episode four.
Justin Oswald: I’m very thankful for that episode. I am showing the most sincere gratitude I can muster.
Meg Rich: I feel it.
Justin Oswald: Oh, that was good.
Meg Rich: So, all right. We do have some things that we’ll put in the show notes. a couple of things that we, talked about today so that you guys can go back in and read through them at your leisure. You can find us on social media @ morethanaYP on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
if you would like to follow me personally, like I’ve said before, it’s a whole lot of Disney and a whole lot of dog photos, but you’re more than welcome to join in that world. You can find me on Instagram @ MeganinFL
Justin Oswald: And you can find me Instagram and Twitter. It’s a lot of fun. Follow at your own risk follow with caution, you know, all those things, JustinOswald_
Ruthie Christie: and you can find me on Twitter @RuthieChristie.
Meg Rich: Awesome. and please, don’t forget to subscribe to rate us. if you like hearing us ramble on for an hour out of your week,
Justin Oswald: even if you, don’t, why not
Ruthie Christie: Be specific with your feedback please
Meg Rich: be gentle. Some of us can’t take it.
Thanks for listening guys. We’ll see you next week. Have a wonderful week and be nice to each other.
Ruthie Christie: Bye.